I Can Never Tell
I can never tell whether I’m winning or losing, floating or sinking, flying or diving. I cannot be certain of personal accomplishment or generally being able to help all other people as I know that I want to do.
Until time goes forward, events transpire, and I make the correct decisions, I cannot be certain of victory, whether it be on the largest scale that I can have, or on the smallest personal scale in which I actually live. The cat is both alive and dead until the box is open, says Schrodinger. Unfortunately for me, the box is still closed, with the cat and the poison still inside. What will my life be like? How well will I do?
I get the sense that I’m perceiving myself greater than I actually am. This is then a problem, because without this accurate understanding of who I am and what I’m willing, capable, and able to do in life, I’m not going to be able to live up to the potential that I see for my own self. Am I as good as I really think and feel that I am? What good is a feeling or a thought at determining the truth of a matter, any matter? Perhaps this is good for me? Perhaps having an ego cut isn’t a bad thing?
What of my actual abilities and potential then? How can I be sure of who I am and what I’m going to do if I cannot tell for my own self who I am and what I am to do here with my life?
I’d love to be able to help in a way that I find meaningful and significant. Trouble is, I’m not 100% sure that I’m actually going to do anything like that. Where then can I find meaning in my life?
Just some honest reflections.